ESCALATOR DREAM

1985

I am sitting on a small white beach. The sand is clean and fine. There are a few others on the beach, but not many – some children playing in the waves, as their parents watch from near by, and a few other groups sitting quietly, or wading in the lapping surf. The beach is enclosed by sheer cliffs and fronted by the empty sea. High over the cliffs where they cannot be seen run broad fields of tall grasses, stretching as far as can be seen in all directions. The green grasses wave in the afternoon breeze. In the distance graze a small herd of white horses.

It is pleasant to sit like this on this beach with no sense of urgency or need of anything. I feel that I could stay on this beautiful beach forever.

Presently a man of about my age jogs past and continues on to the far end of the beach, then returns. As he jogs by he turns to me and smiles in a friendly way. I get the feeling that he looks familiar but do not recognize him. At the other end of the beach he turns again and jogs toward me. As he nears he motions for me to join him. I jump up and run along next to him. He increases his speed, as do I to keep up with him. Soon we are running at top speed, exhilarated and laughing.

Near the end of the beach I notice a small group of people gathered together and I stop to see what they are doing. I see that there is an escalator going down into a hole in the beach. Some of the people are stepping onto the escalator and disappearing into the darkness. A woman, who I suddenly recognize as my friend Susan S., is helping the people step onto the escalator. She notices me and waves for me to come over. I wave back, but decline to go over to her. My jogging friend passes by and I join him again for another run across the beach. As we return once again near the escalator, I look at him and suddenly realize why he looks familiar. He is me! As I realize this he laughs and waves good-bye. I stop in amazement and watch him as he runs down the beach and gradually fades from sight. I hear Susan calling for me to come over. She motions for me to step onto the escalator, but I am hesitant. “It is time”, she says, and holds my hand as I step on.

The steps of the escalator are as wide as I can see. There are a few others scattered along the steps, but no one close to me. In a few moments it becomes pitch black, and I cannot see or hear anyone. As I glide smoothly down into the darkness, I notice that the temperature is rising steadily. The further I go down, the warmer it gets. Far down below me I can now see a small light. The temperature continues to rise and it is getting hard to breathe. The light is growing larger as I move closer toward it. Soon the heat becomes near unbearable, and the light is growing brighter as it becomes hotter and hotter until I can’t stand another moment, and then I hear a pop and I evaporate, and I am back on the beach sitting quietly on the sand.

My double jogs past again smiling as he goes by. I watch him pass without responding, and he fades from sight. Without thinking I stand up and walk over to the escalator. Susan is there urging me to step on, but I say, “No, I just tried that.” She smiles patiently and reaches out her hand to me saying again, “It is time.” I step onto the escalator once again and slide down into the darkness. As before, the temperature begins to rise as I go deeper into the darkness. The light is down there as before, and grows larger and brighter as the heat rises. The heat is pressing against me and nearly suffocating. I stare into the bright light determined to reach it this time, but as the heat becomes unbearable there is the pop once again, and I evaporate as before, and there I am once again on the beach, and Susan is waving for me to get back on the escalator.

“But why must I go?” “Because it is time”, she says, and once again I step onto the escalator and sink down into the darkness. As the heat rises I stay focused on the light. I feel that I must reach the light and am determined to make it this time. The heat is pressing me as I get closer and closer to the light. It grows hotter and hotter and just as I come very close to the light I hear the pop and I evaporate once again.

This time I am sitting on a bench in a very large room the size of Grand Central Station. The floors are marble and the ceilings are very high with glowing lights hanging down from the peaks. People are walking together or sitting quietly on the benches talking. There is no sense of urgency as one might feel in a railway station, but on the wall across from me is a large clock with the second hand jerking from second to second. The time is 11:29 PM. I stand and walk across the room. I pass through a tall door and there, once again, is the escalator and Susan helping people get on. She waves for me to come over. As I reach the escalator she smiles, reaching out her hand to me, and says, “It is time”. As I step onto the escalator, I glance at the large clock on the wall just as it turns to 11:30 PM.

Down into the darkness I glide once again, this time determined to reach that bright light. The heat begins to build and far below in the darkness glows the small white light. As the heat increases my determination is focused and fixed on the light, which grows larger and brighter. Hotter, and hotter the heat builds and presses against my body, but I am determined and keep my attention focused on the light, which is now quite bright. As the heat intensifies I feel as if it is pushing me in a throbbing motion. I realize that I could not stop now if I wanted to. The heat is throbbing, and the light is larger and brighter, and coming nearer and nearer, and just as I am about to suffocate from the pressure of the heat I suddenly emerge through the opening into the brightest light I have ever known and I let out one long scream. The doctor who is holding me in his hands smiles up at my new mother and says, “It’s a boy.”